Because sometimes the only thing standing between you and a meltdown is locking yourself in the pantry with a bag of chocolate chips. (Or maybe that’s just me).
Let’s be real: Sometimes motherhood feels less like a heartwarming Hallmark commercial and more like a demolition derby. One minute, you’re doling out snacks and dispensing sage advice; the next, you’re refereeing a brawl over a toy that hasn’t been played with in three years. If your nerves are shot and your patience is on backorder, you’re not alone. Finding calm when the chaos is hitting max capacity isn’t just a nice idea — it’s essential for your sanity. Here are 10 realistic strategies for stress management and practical tips for how to find calm as a mom without losing your mind (or your temper).
Related Posts To Keep You Sane(ish)
- 7 Signs You’re A Better Parent Than You Think
- Stop Trying to be the Perfect Parent – There’s No Such Thing
- 5 Ways to Create a Calm and Peaceful Home (Backed by Science)
Note: This post contains affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission if you make a purchase through one of the links
1. The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique
This is a simple yet wildly effective way to pull yourself out of your head and back into the present moment.
How to do it:
Pause. Breathe. And focus on what is around you. As you do, name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
Bonus points if that taste is chocolate.
Why it works: This exercise shifts your focus from the chaos in your mind to the present moment. It is a science-backed way to give your brain a much-needed reset when you can’t just stop the craziness in your life. Plus, it’s quick, easy, and you can do it anywhere — even in the middle of a teenage meltdown over limits on their screen time.
2. The 60-Second Scream (In Your Car, Not at Your Kids)
We’re not suggesting you scream at your kids (unless they’ve broken the TV for the third time). But sometimes, getting that pent-up frustration out in a controlled, private way can feel like an emotional detox.
How to do it:
Shut the car door, crank up the music, and let it out.
Why it works: Science shows that releasing tension through a controlled scream can act as a physical and emotional reset. You are literally getting the stress out of your body.
3. The 1-Minute Reset Breath
When you get stressed, you naturally breathe differently. Whether you know it or not, a stressed mind = stressed breathing. Short and shallow.
In return, your body perceives shallow breathing as a sign that you are in danger. And it tries to help by flooding your body with stress hormones that trigger an intense fight or flight response.
All of which is great if you are actually being chased by a lion. But really unhelpful when you’re stressed by piles of laundry and an overflowing to-do list. The good news is that by changing your breathing patterns, you can remind your body that you’re just fine.
How to do it:
Find a quiet spot (the closet floor or bathroom works just fine) and focus on taking slow, deep breaths. Inhale for a count of four, hold for four, exhale for four. Repeat.
If your mind wanders, that’s okay. It probably will. Just bring it back to the breath.
Why it works: Deep breathing activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which calms your fight-or-flight response. It’s a simple yet powerful way to regain composure without stepping too far away from the chaos.
So, rather than Googling, “how to find calm as a mom” every evening, take heart. You can just use a controlled breath to trick your body into believing you’re juuuust fine. And when your body believes that, it slows the stress response. Even if you only have one minute to breathe before returning to family chaos, this is the ultimate cheat for how to find calm as a mom.
Isn’t science amazing?
4. The “Go Ahead, Let Them Be Bored” Approach
You don’t have to be the entertainment committee. Despite what your social media feed and mom friends might tell you, it really isn’t your job to entertain your kids all the time. And doing so can actually be a developmental disservice.
How to do it:
Just let them be bored. Seriously.
That’s when creativity kicks in, when they learn how to cope, and when they grow and develop critical skills of self-regulation. It’s not your job to keep your kids stimulated every second of the day. It’s your job to stay sane and teach them how to become competent and self-sufficient humans.
Why it works: Allowing kids to navigate their own boredom teaches them how to self-soothe and use their imaginations — and it gives you a much-needed break.
5. The Two-Minute Gratitude Dump
Yes, your life is crazy. It is difficult – and complicated – and exhausting. But it is also amazing.
Science has shown that when cultivating gratitude is the key to increasing satisfaction in life. And that’s true even if many things in your life are not what you’d want in an ideal world. The key isn’t having everything you want. The key is being able to find the good in what you do have.
How to do it:
Grab a piece of paper and write down everything you’re grateful for — big or small.
The coffee you had this morning, the fact that your toddler finally took a nap, the three uninterrupted minutes you got to scroll through TikTok, or that candy bar you found in the back of the pantry.
Why it works: It doesn’t really matter what you note. It matters that you take a few minutes to identify something. Gratitude shifts your brain’s focus from what’s going wrong to what’s going right. This mental pivot can lower stress levels. give you a quick emotional boost, and help you find calm as a mom no matter how busy or overwhelmed you are.
6. The Walk It Off Technique
Fresh air can be a miracle worker. Bring the kids along (or leave them behind if they’re old enough), pop in earbuds, and listen to a quick, uplifting podcast or song that reminds you that you’re still a person outside of ‘Mom.’
How to do it:
If the walls are closing in and the kids are bouncing off them, go for a walk. Even just around the block or to the mailbox and back.
Why it works: Movement releases endorphins, which are natural mood lifters. It also gives your brain a moment to reset, especially if you’re feeling trapped or overwhelmed.
7. The “I’m Not Available Right Now” Sign
If you’re really serious about how to find calm as a mom, this one is for you. Give yourself permission to step away, even for a few minutes. Your kids will be fine. And you will feel better.
How to do it:
Literally make a sign that says, “Mom is Taking Five” and hang it on the door of your bedroom.
Why it works: Setting physical boundaries is a visual cue for your kids and a psychological reminder for you that it’s okay to take a moment for yourself.
Of course, make sure you have age appropriate arrangements in place and conversations with the kids about what you expect them to be doing during your brief time out. If you want, you can even frame this as an important developmental lesson on self-sufficiency and self-regulation for the kids.
You need a break. And they need to learn how to manage safely and effectively on their own. A few minutes at a time.
8. The Two-Word Mantra: “Not Today”
You’re not going to lose it. You’re not going to engage in that ridiculous sibling fight over whose turn it is to sit in the ‘good’ chair. Not today.
How to do it:
When you’re on the verge of snapping, repeat this simple mantra to yourself: “Not today.”
Why it works: A mantra acts as a verbal anchor, grounding you in the moment and helping you refocus on what truly matters.
Your kids will learn a critical lesson in boundaries and effective parenting. It isn’t your job to referee every single fight. It isn’t your job to smooth out every single frustration. Some days you will. But other days, you can simply say “not today” and leave them to it.
9. The Magic Question: “Do You Need an Answer Right Now?“
How many things have your kids asked you for today? How many times has their urgency for an answer fueled your own stress and frustrations?
One of the most effective parenting approaches I’ve ever seen involves helping kids learn that timing matters, that boundaries are key, and that parents can take a beat before responding to their kids’ chaos.
How to do it:
When faced with a question that is improperly timed, that is too much for the moment, or that you simply need to consider before answering, ask your child, “Do you need an answer right now?”
If they say they do, then the answer is “no”. If they can wait, then the answer may be a “yes” – or it may not be. But at least you get the space, time, and sanity to reply after thoughtful consideration.
When everyone is clamoring for your attention, you do not need to automatically adopt their same urgency. Sometimes, the best response is a strategic delay.
Why it works: This technique helps you prioritize urgent versus non-urgent matters, reducing the feeling of being constantly ‘on call’ and giving you more mental space to breathe. It also sets an important precedent as kids quickly learn that they don’t actually ever need an urgent response and that they need to regulate their expectations accordingly.
10. The 30-Second Reset Button
Sure, you can’t actually teleport yourself to Bora Bora on a whim.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t reap the benefits of imagining yourself there. Lots of research confirms that visualizations actually have measurable benefits for mental health.
How to do it:
Find a moment of calm within the chaos by closing your eyes and imagining yourself somewhere you feel completely relaxed.
Maybe it’s a beach, maybe it’s your couch without kids climbing on you. Breathe in deeply, picture the calm, and hold onto it for as long as you can.
Why it works: Visualization can be a powerful tool for calming the nervous system and creating a sense of inner peace, even in a hectic environment.
The Bottom Line
Let’s face it — motherhood isn’t exactly the calm, serene, Pinterest-perfect dream we all imagined or hoped for. It’s more like a rollercoaster with occasional snack breaks and a soundtrack of “Mom! Mom! Moooooom!”
But finding a little calm as a mom amid the chaos isn’t just possible — it’s essential.
Whether it’s a 30-second reset, a deep breath in the bathroom, or a two-word mantra that keeps you from losing it, these quick, simple techniques can bring you back to center. Different techniques and strategies work for different folks. So, pick the one (or three) you like best and begin building a habit of incorporating them into each day.
Because at the end of the day, you deserve a few moments of peace. And it’s okay if your house looks like a toy store that was hit by a tornado.
Also, if all else fails, there’s always chocolate. (And whiskey!)
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